[Scraps] Inversion Syndrome

by: 19’s Sound Factory feat. Hatsune Miku. Credit to Uploader.

It’s easy to pretend. It’s easy to wear a mask, she doesn’t even realize. It’s easy to turn her eyes away from the truth, away from the problems that keep piling up. It’s easy to not encounter her weakness. It’s easy to escape, hide from everything she doesn’t want to meet. It’s easy to be alone rather than to socialize with other. It’s easy to be stubborn, to resist, than to accept.

It’s so easy yet so hard.

.

She wants to laugh at her pathetic self. She wants to blame it to her yesterday identity. She wants to crush her past individual, to become an entirely new person. She wants to erase that impostor from history.

From her life.

She wants to forget what she remembers.

She doesn’t need the thing called memories, the thing called emotions.

What she needs is something she can control without difficulty. What she doesn’t need is her mind in turmoil.

.

What is the true happiness, she wonders?

Why everyone seems so caught up with it? She doesn’t need something that flimsy; and ambiguous. What she needs is just a peaceful state of mind.

When she couldn’t be hurt, and couldn’t feel any pain.

It’s fine even if most people would call that condition as being numb.

.

False happiness is what she seeks.

And what’s wrong with that?

It’s easy to grasp the concept. It’s easy to get.

.

She wants to sleep forever.

Like a sleeping beauty, eternal in tranquility. She doesn’t need the prince to found her. She doesn’t need him to wake her up. Let her be. Leave her alone.

–songfic-kind-of-

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[Anime] Black Lagoon: “Rock and Groove.”

Black Lagoon – Second Barrage… I wonder why they didn’t change the title to R2 or maybe Rock and Revy or Double-Are. Seriously… why named it Black Lagoon if you didn’t even tell the stories about them? In S1 they always put focus on Revy (and Rock), sure, but they at least, still gave enough screen time for Dutch and Benny. However in S2… nothing. Just nothing. They were too busy wasting the good characters just for developing bad characters. I didn’t know what the author/director/writer was thinking when they made this.

To be fair, yeah, Revy is not that bad. Rock is not that bad. But they, sure, loved to whine about their life. I’m sorry to say… but I don’t give a crap about your viewpoint, your belief, your oh-s0-wise-words. So stop… stop spouting your philosophical nonsense as if they were the truth of the world. I’m not sharing your view, and you won’t persuade me!

Not to mention, for the story that is supposed to be realistic, Black Lagoon is nowhere near it. Destroying enemy base with only one… or two people? They didn’t even get any scratch even when many bullets passed around? And I’m not sure where they packed their ammo because from what I could see it was almost like unlimited.

The character development is bad, if there was any. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel the change within Revy’s personality a bit too forced. Why she grew to be a softie all of sudden? Why she was attached to Rock that much? I watched the previous arc and she was still the same as always, but then baaam! suddenly she was being overprotective of Rock?

And Rock got his chardev in S1 Eps 1-2, after that… he was a stagnant character who didn’t even know where his stand though liked to force his opinion on others without thinking, without knowing anything, without even considering his own strength. Did you have the right to judge other? To give value with your own view? Could you please at least defend your opinion with your own power? Lucky he was the main protagonist (maybe I shouldn’t use that word since I don’t give him any sympathy), so the Author won’t make him die just like that.

Dutch and Benny of course didn’t get any development. They focused to the antagonist or that main char’s arc too much they didn’t even have time to develop the main char’s story. It’s laughable really.

The only savings… or maybe the only remarkable thing about this show is the art. The animation is very fluid and nice. The character designs are good too. You can tell the difference between—important—characters (with the small fries) easily. And although the color looks a bit too bright in my opinion, it’s fine.

[Books] Fangirl: “I’m not a fangirl though I could fangirling when I was in the mood.”

2.5 sebenarnya. Saya nggak begitu raeg pas baca novel ini. Dan mungkin bisa 3 bintang kalau aja saya nggak dipaksa baca fanfic DracoHar—uhuk, maksud saya Simon x Baz. Saya nggak gitu ngerti apa hubungannya dengan cerita utama, selain sebagai fanfiksi yang ditulis Cath dan alat buat nunjukin kenerdy-an dia. I mean… kalau pun bagian itu saya skip dengan senang hati, kayaknya saya nggak bakalan missing anything kan? Kecuali kisah Simon and Baz, of course.

Trus soal karakter Cath… dia itu cukup ngeselin. Dan bisa jadi banget dalam hal-hal tertentu. Bukan berarti saya nggak ngerti personality dia, kenapa dia melakukan itu, etc. Saya ngerti sebetulnya. Tapi karena saya ngerti, beberapa hal yang terjadi pada dia, dan reaksi dia kerasa lebih menyebalkan. She was actually pretty fortunate.

Sebagai contoh, saya cukup ngerti perasaan dia waktu di awal kehidupan kampus milih menghindari dining room di asrama dan makan err… calorie bar selama beberapa hari (atau minggu?). Karena itu setiap dia melakukan hal yang menurut saya ngeselin pun, saya selalu berusaha bikin justifikasi buat dia. Termasuk ketika dia dengan begonya ngumpulin fanfiksi sebagai tugas kuliah.

Tapi… saya nggak bisa bikin pembelaan apa-apa waktu dosen Cath ngasih kesempatan kedua buat dia nulis cerita sebagai tugas akhir matkulnya dan Cath nggak merasa grateful sama sekali. Udah dosennya ceramah panjang lebar, ngasih motivasi, dan memberikan perlakuan khusus untuk Cath… dia malah kayak anak kecil dikasih permen supaya mau ke sekolah biarpun telat juga tapi malah ngelunjak minta cokelat. Gimana nggak bikin kesel (apalagi dia bukan anak kecil)? Ditambah lagi, dia hampir menyia-nyiakan kesempatan tersebut demi fanfiksi. Trus meskipun Cath akhirnya bikin ceritanya beberapa hari sebelum deadline, setelah sebelumnya dikasih kesempatan satu semester (Prof, you were too kind, be my lecturer!) untuk nulis short story 10k words (eh iya kan? Saya lupa), cerpen dia dengan sangat magical bisa mendapat penghargaan cerpen terbaik buatan mahasiswa S1 atau sejenis itu.

Damn Mary Sue.

Kesampingkan soal Cath, ada beberapa plot yang… kok kayaknya tidak diselesaikan. Soal ayahnya yang rada weirdo (apa dia weirdo dari dulu atau karena cerai?). Soal Wren yang mabuk sampai hampir koit. Soal ibu mereka. Soal kenapa Wren tiba-tiba mau mulai komunikasi dengan ibu tersebut. Soal kuliah Cath (seriously, setelah semester pertama, nggak ada lagi cerita soal kehidupan kuliah dia kayak gimana).

I mean… dibanding ke arah mana cerita ini berakhir dan berjalan, saya sebetulnya lebih penasaran sama plot-plot itu. Not to mention, I can’t care less about Cath and Levi’s relationship or Simon and Baz’s. Tapi ternyata scene lovey-doveynya banyak banget, bikin saya eneg. No. Please. Kalau kalian mau kissu atau flirting, nggak usah diceritain juga nggak apa-apa kan. Or at least, nggak usah sedetail itu. Ini masih di tengah cerita kan!? Gimme a break, please!

Or should I say: Riajuu, bakuhatsu shiro!!

[Books] 1984: “Why did you expect the worst from humanity?”

Setelah sekian lama menjamur di to-read list. Akhirnya beberapa minggu yang lalu saya selesain baca juga. Walaupun jujur, mungkin karena udah jamuran, atau emang saya nggak perhatian, saya baca 1984 tanpa tahu kalau novel ini bercerita tentang dystopia. Makanya sebelum-sebelumnya, waktu nyoba baca, saya selalu stuck di bagian… “Big Brother is watching you~ teehee~” part.

Ha? Big Brother? Who? Ini cerita soal apa sih?

Dan nyambung juga waktu kemarin akhirnya berhasil baca sampai akhir. Yah. Mungkin saya kurang konsentrasi pas baca sebelumnya.

Jadi… ini dystopia…? O.K.

Saya akui saya bukan fans genre dystopia. Bukan berarti nggak suka juga. Tapi saya bukan tipe yang bakalan teriak-teriak kyaaa genrenya dystopia kyaaa soo cool kyaaa (saya sendiri nggak tahu apa ada orang yang beneran kayak gitu). Saya belum pernah baca Hunger Games yang buat anak zaman sekarang adalah novel paling ngetren di genre ini. Saya juga nggak selesai nonton film Battle Royale gara-gara saya nebak nggak bakalan ada happy end buat semua karakternya.

Makanya, saya nggak heran kalau saya ngerasa setengah nyiksa diri baca 1984 sampai selesai. Ridiculously suram sampai bikin pusing kepala. Mulai dari motto ridiculous the party:

War is Peace

Freedom is Slavery

Ignorance is Strength

Sampai konsep doublethink yang bikin watdeheck. Setelah selesai mengenali dunia “1984” (yang tbh, IMO rada bertele-tele, muter-muter bikin tambah eneg. Apa mungkin ini sengaja buat menguatkan atmosfer kelam untuk pembaca? hhaa :v), seperti yang diduga MCnya ketangkep dan… mulailah cerita soal penyiksaan yang well… horror.

Endingnya juga as expected.

And it is fine.

Tapi ya… tapi… masalahnya… dari awal cerita ini dimulai, tokohnya itu udah berasa di titik bawah. Tinggal disentil dikit, dia bakalan jatuh berjumpalitan. Nah… setelah jatuh itu, terus dan terus dia ada di titik terbawah. Sama sekali nggak ada tanda kalau bakalan ada morning rescue (I’m sorry for the inside joke) yang bakalan muncul. Jadi pas akhirnya begitu pun… well… siapa yang heran *shrug*.

Karena dari awal saya cuma liat penderitaan dia tanpa sedikit pun adanya harapan. Waktu dia makin jatuh pun, saya juga cuma bisa ngeringis sedikit tanpa peduli apakah semuanya akan menjadi lebih baik atau nggak. Selain itu karakternya juga not really likeable. Oke, saya kasihan sama Winston, sama Julia karena nasib mereka emang bikin kasihan. Tapi ya… sebatas itu aja.

Anyway, di atas saya komentar kalau 1984 itu ridiculously suram. Alasan saya pake keterangan tambahan ridiculous adalah karena betapa stupidnya sebenarnya hal-hal tersebut—the party, motto, sistem doublethink dan penghapusan sejarah secara shameless dan terang-terangan tersebut. Kalau dipikir secara normal (iya, otak saya diwired berbeda sama mereka di cerita, karena lingkungannya juga beda, iya), apa ada manusia yang nggak ngerasa aneh?

Dengan kata lain, karena saya baca ini tanpa ada niatan untuk merelate atau mempercayai apa yang terjadi, kesannya jadi ridiculous. Iya, saya tahu hal-hal yang diceritakan di novel ini mungkin (dalam skala kecil, dan rahasia). Tapi ya itu.. rahasia. Saya nggak bisa bayangin mayoritas orang bisa sebegitu bego atau sebagian bisa sebegitu jahat. Makanya saya susah buat baca tanpa ngerasa kalau ini fiksi sekaleh.

[Books] Around the World in Eighty Days: “It’s not love at first sight, nevertheless it’s love.”

I was pleasantly surprised, when in the middle of reading this, I realized, I was actually starting to care for the characters more than I expected at first.

Mr. Fogg was really a gentleman although he was cold and almost as calculative as robot.

Passepartout was nice, a bit careless but nice. Even though his luck was bad, he meant well.

Aouda, hmm, I’m biased to female character, and she was the only woman appeared in this novel. I don’t think I have to explain why I like her.

Detective Fix was… just… stubborn. Rather than dislike him, I think I should just pity him for trusting his initial instinct too much. He was a good addition for the plot. I won’t try guessing which path the story would take if he wasn’t there to be the spice.

Well, if I had to describe my experience reading this novel, I think it felt like falling in love slowly (and happily, mind you). You weren’t enamored with them at the first glance. However, after befriending them, knowing them better, you couldn’t help but care. Then, you started to root for them; you wanted them to be happy, as if their happiness had been linked to your happiness.

And the ending was just perfect.

My ship was sailing exactly as the story always hinted along.

[Games] Blackwell Series: “Don’t tell me I have to become a spirit medium–[spoiler]–for the universe to pour into my head just so I could understand.”

If we’re talking about David Gilbert and Wadjet Eye, of course we have to talk about the Blackwell, right? Wrong. We are talking about whatever we want to talk, but yes, this post is about that. Blackwell Series is a point and click adventure game by Wadjet Eyes. As what I wrote stated, it was a series consisted of five episodes.

I played through them all in one week. That’s why my memory is a bit fuzzy regarding them. I can’t really remember the difference between the five games and my impression for each episode. So I will just comment in overall.

Rosangela Blackwell is our lead in these games along with Joey Mallone. They were very likable characters. I think I could relate to Rosa easily because of her background as writer/journalist before she became a spirit medium. There was another main character, special for the second game, Lauren Blackwell or we would know her as Rosa’s aunt. And she was… how should I say? …cool. She felt very different from Rosa. In a good way for both of them.

The story itself was interesting. The Legacy did well introducing the story to the player, the Unbound dug the plot deeper as a flashback episode, the Convergence connected the past and the present neatly, the Deception gave the chance for the characters to grow, and the Epiphany showed you the end brilliantly.

However… there were some details that stuck in my head. I don’t think I can let them go just because I’ve had reached the ending. And it should be no wonder to anyone when I said this post would contain spoilers.

So here goes nothing.

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